I have been a very naughty boy today. My partner is making me confess all in my Blog in lieu of a smacked bottom. I would try and absolve myself and assure you that it wasn't my fault, but my partner is going to check what I have written when I've finished, so I have to tell the truth. At lunchtime, I was reclining in Maisie's house (my partner felt brave enough to face work this morning). Maisie prepared herself a bacon sandwich and a slice of chocolate cake for lunch, and left them on the table to make a cup of tea. Well, the bacon smelt SO good, and the chocolate cake was SO chocolatey. Hanging my head in shame as I type, I admit that I stealthily raised myself to the table and stole the lunch. I had finished eating it before Maisie had even returned with her drink and was licking cake crumbs from my whiskers when she found me.
In all the pumping of adrenalin that accompanies such an audacious crime, I had forgotten that I am not supposed to eat chocolate because it might make me die with tummy pains. Maisie was very frightened and telephoned the vet, who said that she had to take me to the surgery straight away. We were there for an hour before I was free to go, having suffered many indignities (including, but not limited to, a thermometer poked up my bottom). My partner was very cross with me when she came home from work because she got the bill for treatment of the infection on Little Jasper yesterday and it was £165. Now she must pay even more because I have misbehaved.
Maisie tried to cover for me and said that it was her fault, as she'd left the sandwich and cake unattended, but my partner was having none of it. She replied that I was not a puppy and knew full well that taking from plates was wrong. An uneasy truce between us lasted until my partner saw me prodding her mother's leg with one of my front paws, to make her drop bits of chicken that she was picking from the bones for a curry. I was escorted from the kitchen and given a good talking to. I apologised to my partner for making her sad and we made friends again. Perhaps I shouldn't have stolen the food and frightened her into thinking I might be poisoned. It was mighty tasty though, heh heh heh... AND I got my chicken pieces...
I will try and be a good boy tomorrow. In the meantime, here is Part 2 of Around the World with Jasper. I hope you are taking notes: