PLEASE VOTE FOR ME!
To explain - I have been entered in a local newspaper competition and now the lines are open! Here are the details:
If you copy and past the above pic into a document, you will be able to read it a bit better. And here is the image of me that my partner saw fit to enter into the "Best of Breed" category. Bless her.:
I am not sure why they have called me "Noble Jasper". I think that's just what my partner called the photograph, to identify it among all the other images of me that she hordes away. But I WOULD be most grateful for your support. Although this is for an attractiveness competition, it got me thinking about what I would do if I were elected to Parliament. Get the hell out of Iraq, for a start. My other main policy priorities would be:
1) A free foam frisbee for every dog (in the colour of their choice);
2) Extra free food for lactating bitches (Sir Winston Churchill once said "there is no finer investment for any community than putting milk into babies." And I agree. Canine babies);
3) Compulsory de-clawing of cats (a harsh, yet necessary, step);
4) The relocation of squirrels and hedgehogs to dedicated camps, for their own safety, obviously...
And these would just be for starters - when I really get going, what a better world I will build... But before that all kicks off, please do consider voting for me in the newspaper competition. Oh, go on. It would make me smile... Thank you.
My partner has, at last, plucked up the courage to flee the oppressive tyranny of her employers and has found a nice new job! She begins on 5 November and is very pleased about it. I accompanied her to her leaving do on Friday, where she was sorry to say goodbye to all of her friends at her old job. Lots of them came to the party and she will miss them a great deal. What she will NOT miss, however, is the callous, insensitive cruelty of the management-types. She has had a lot to put up with over the past eight and a half years, but the most recent incident (occuring just before this past summer) was the very last straw in a LARGE bundle of straws and stands out as one of her particular favourites. In relation to the debilitating illness, from which she has suffered, on and off, since she was around seven years old, she was asked "Are you 'like that' all the time, or do you just 'put it on' when you come here?" Bless 'em.
But none of these sentiments were shared by her nice colleagues and it is these that she will miss the most. A collection of, for the most part, truly lovely people. She received some lovely cards and gifts (including an excellent book called "The Dastardly Book for Dogs" - a fine parody of "The Dangerous Book for Boys" - which I have stolen to read before her). A most delightful young lady named Heather even gave the gift of a toy for me! My partner and I were both touched and delighted - alas, Heather is already married, or I would seriously consider adding her to my small collection of wives. I went a bit mad with the dolly to start with (I had to make sure it was properly deceased - those cuddly toys can be vicious if they're only wounded), but it now rests in pride of place beside my toy rabbit. I am sincerely grateful for Heather's thoughtfulness.
So, mixed feelings for my partner, but an overwhelming sense of freedom prevails. Happy days lie ahead, I've no doubt.
A less satisfying day was passed yesterday. I returned my book to the library and went to choose another one. Sitting outside the library, attached to a post, was my former protegée Harvey. Regular readers may remember him as the small tan-coloured Staffordshire Bull Terrier who arrived in my town as a young puppy. I took him under my paw and schooled him in the way of the manly Stafford. At least, until he hit puberty and then he became nothing but a source of irritation. I then took pains to avoid him, but I could not escape his notice now.
"Jasper!" he cried, wagging his tail enthusiastically. "Hello, Harvey," I replied politely. "Where is your partner?" He was in the little grocery shop situated beside the library.
"We're going to the park!" announced Harvey, excitedly. "Well, I'm off into the library." I explained. "I'm going to choose a book. Do you ever visit the library?"
"Yes, but I'm going to the park." came the slightly confused reply. I persisted.
"What sort of books do you like?" I asked, with a politely interested smile. There was a moment's silence, and then the reply:
"I'm going to the park!"
I sighed. Youth is terribly wasted on the young.
Good night.
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