Saturday 10 May 2008

The weather of late has forced me into idleness. For we are enduring a heat-wave in my lovely part of the country that is most unseasonable and which renders activity during the day nigh-on impossible.

My partner has installed a small paddling pool in the garden for me, that I may take refreshment at any time I choose, but it is still something of a trial. Last weekend I did brave the heat in order to inspect the bluebells in the woods where my partner works. I have to say that they were worth the effort. Observe:

Here, I am pretending to be a bluebell. Can you see me?


But the passing over of the bluebells swiftly ushered in my first tick of the season. My partner pulled it off with tweezers last night, which was slightly less than pleasant.

Barking of annoying parasites, the fat waster of a hedgepig has now taken up permanent residence in my garden, the git. He didn't even deign to ask my permission. I know where he is - he's in the corner by the Hostas. I have issued him with repeated eviction orders, but I'm sure I can hear him laughing at them from the safety of his many-rooted cabin. Just the other day, my partner's mother was being complimented on the beauty and slug-free nature of her border plants.
"Yes." she said in reply, "We have a hedgehog now." Eh? WE HAVE A HEDGEHOG?!? It sickens me the way he has wriggled his way into the household. Well, he is not on MY list of employees. I trust he is not expecting the pension or health benefits that I provide to my staff.

The one thing that amuses me is seeing how fat he has become. He is at least twice the size he was last year. There is a most satisfying squeaking and grinding noise when he tries to squeeze his fat ar*e under the gate to next door's garden. It reminds me of a line from that excellent film, Parenthood. Jason Robards is describing fatherhood to his put-upon son played by Steve Martin. Of the experience, he says "It's like your Aunt Edna's a*s - it goes on forever and is just as frightening." The hedgepig is looking like a spiky Aunt Edna.

This time next week, I will be in Wales! I am getting so excited! The cottage where we are all staying this time is of a luxury nature and has its own beach. Here is a little picture of it:
Oh yes.

My partner and I are to make up the advance party in our Little Green Corsa next Saturday, being joined on the following day by her parents, brother Tim and sister-in-law Nicky and the ever-delightful Ewan. It is a year ago that I was forced to revise my opinion of him (I formerly believed him to be a little git-wizard. I now admit that I was wrong) - it may be that I find additional closeness with him as the months pass, because I have to report that Nicky is again in pup! She is due to be whelped at the end of November. 2-year old Ewan is still too little to understand properly, but I can enlighten him as to how annoying siblings can be. I shall teach him my stealthful tactics, such as head-butting your littermates out of the way so that you get the best teat or the sunniest corner of the whelping-box. My partner says this is not necessary, as Ewan neither feeds from teats nor lives in a box. But I'm sure I have SOME tips that he can utilise, heh heh...

I will outline my plans for the holiday in a subsequent entry. But I shall leave you now with Ewan, dressed up as Tigger:
Heh heh, that's my boy.

Good night.