Sunday, 12 October 2008

Sunday 6 May 2007

I think my partner was dreaming of her old heart-throb, BC, last night.

I allow my partner to share my bed and, as she has been so ill of late, I was sleeping close to her. She had her arm about me, which is all very nice, but at around 3am I was awakened from my slumber by a tightening sensation in my ribcage. Although my partner was fast asleep, she had put her arms even closer around me and was hugging me quite alarmingly. A small sigh escaped from between her sleeping lips. I cleared my throat and said "wuff", hoping this would be enough to stir her. Alas, no. I expelled a small amount of toxic gas from my fire-escape. No movement. I was debating whether or not the administering of a nip was necessary when my dilemma was solved for me. My partner finally stirred and shuffled sleepily out to download a weemail. I thankfully gasped in great lungfuls of much-needed air and proceeded to steal all the good pillows. But I know that she must have been dreaming of BC, because when she was trying to get back to sleep she was crying. And not because she just had the scraggy old pillow. I turned back and snuggled close to her again.

I haven't seen much of my buzzard friend in these past few days. He has been in the big rabbit field, and always looked as though he would come over and chat, but he flew away whenever my partner caught up with me. What a pity. And my partner won't buy me the marinade bath-stuff he recommended for me because she says she prefers to make her own sauce from scratch, rather than buying a bottled one, for cooking meat. What? The poor girl. Obviously deluded.

Right then. Following on from my happily popular series of a few months back, Around the World with Jasper, I would like to present to you the first offering in an ALL-NEW series: Jasper's Famous People of England - Part One. I hope you enjoy it; a lot of research has gone into this:

King Alfred the Great (849 - 899)

Voted 14th in the 2002 poll of the 100 greatest Britons by the British public, Alfred was the first truly great king of England. He has been canonised and the current reigning monarch, Elizabeth II, can trace her ancestry directly back to him.

He whipped the butts of the invading Danes and Vikings and brought peace, unity and stability to England for the first time in recorded history. He was also exceptionally intelligent, writing several books and endorsing many more, and a fair and kind man – he greatly encouraged the education of his people and improved the country’s laws.

A popular legend tells how, when he first fled to the Somerset Levels while battling the Danes, Alfred was given shelter by a peasant woman who, unaware of his identity, left him to watch some cakes she was cooking on the fire. Preoccupied with the problems of his kingdom, Alfred accidentally let the cakes burn and was taken to task by the woman upon her return. Upon realizing the king's identity, the woman apologised profusely, but Alfred insisted that he was the one who needed to apologise. Actually, the cakes burned because Alfred was more interested in watching some chops under the grill.

Good night.
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