Sunday, 5 October 2008

Sunday 21 January 2007

I made a tour of Abbotstone today, to check up on my trees. All most respectable, and I had a lovely afternoon stalking wily game. I really must congratulate the local gamekeepers on their hard work; there are some superb plump pheasants about. Wonderful sport. Didn't catch any though - they are a bit too quick for me. I'm pretty good at catching dead ones though.

The walk came after a rather frustrating little outing. My partner and I drove seven miles to her bank, in order to pay in a cheque, with the hope that this will stop her bank from coming around to kill her. We found nothing but locked doors and a sign saying "Lobby area closed due to anti-social behaviour". Dammit. Now her lunch-break tomorrow must be sacrificed in order to walk the mile from her office to the bank and back again. I don't know why she bothers with the bank. Every month she lives in mortal terror of Vijay from HSBC Mumbai ringing her up to berate her for being poor. She should be more like me - I just fix my eyes upon her and she produces all my bodily and spiritual needs and I never have to give her ANY money.

I did come up with one idea to help her - "Jasper's One-Stop Organ Shop dot com" - for all your transplant and culinary needs. A website on which I would sell internal organs taken from carefully-selected prey. (Payment via Prey-pal). It would solve so many problems, particularly for those on dialysis or in need of delicious soups and stews. I put this to my partner and she was most grateful for the suggestion, but she pointed out that the police occasionally browse the web in search of nefarious activity so perhaps this idea should not be translated into reality. Ah well. There isn't that much space in her freezer anyway.

I hope you aren't too tired. Because here is Around the World with Jasper - Part 7:




Good night.
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