Monday 23 October 2006

Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes - YESSSSS!!! I got the present that I wanted for my birthday!

My partner gave me a football, which was just what I had asked for! Tennis balls are a bit small for me to play with and I was thrilled with the balloon that Ewan had brought with him when he visited, but forbidden from playing with it in case my fangs popped it (that's the balloon, not Ewan). I looked at my partner, and we both knew that a football for me was the ideal solution.

I have had a lovely birthday today - one of the nicest ever. I had a special lunch with Maisie and her husband Bob. They gave me a card and some biscuits and a packet of treats. My partner's parents bought me a new water bowl (the original one was broken by my partner, but we aren't mentioning that) and then there is my football. I'm so excited. There was only one blot on my birthday landscape - the picture on the front of my partner's parents' birthday card was deliberately chosen to provoke me. Which it did. Some explanation is necessary here.

I often do not finish my evening meal, and thought that what I had not consumed was simply thrown away. HOWEVER, one evening last week, I caught my partner sneaking out with my food bowl and was aghast at what I saw. She was scraping the left-overs - MY left-overs - onto the patio, to be consumed by a hedgehog! Apparently she has been feeding this hedgepig for some time now. I have an extremely strong suspicion - no, correct that - I KNOW that it is the same hedgepig that once tried to kill me. I know it by the smell of the foul spiny rat. I caught it walking across my garden very late one night and sprang to the attack. The evil little turd curled up into a ball and didn't move, the result of which was that I couldn't stop in time and my nose, mouth and tongue - come to think of it my entire snout region - took a severe pricking from the sharp little tines that covered his body. My nose itched for two whole days afterwards. And now my partner is feeding this abomination. MY food. When I don't finish my meal, it is NOT so that the hungry can sup. My left-overs must be binned - my partner KNOWS this. But compassion has got the better of her. I don't mind her feeding the birds; I have no argument with my winged brethren (plus they are handy for luring cats to the garden), but NOT the sadistic overgrown shrew of a hedgepig. Ever since I saw this unspeakable act of treachery, I have always eaten all of my food in ONE sitting. I'm NOT having this and it is time to put my paw down. I cannot stop my partner from feeding the wretch, in much the same way as I cannot stop her feelings for BC, but I'm damned if he's getting MY dinnertime rejects.

And if that hedgehog goes anywhere NEAR my new football, he will find himself on the receiving end of a firm Penalty Kick, needle-like spines or not.

So, anyway, my birthday card. Well, as you've no doubt guessed, it featured a photograph of a hedgehog. My partner asked if this had been chosen deliberately, with the above-described situation in mind. Amid much disrespectful laughter my partner's mother confirmed that it had. I pursed my lips and gave everyone in the room the Evil Eye for as long as I could keep it up. But the laughter continued.

Good night.