"Nippie Bartram has got a willie like a turnip."
So went a number of remarks left on several wee-mail post sites around the town. I scented several on my morning walk earlier today, and had sniffed similar previously. Various different versions of the same, from different dogs, but all concerning the unfortunate Nippie Bartram and his apparent physical affliction.
If you were not already aware, most dogs "read" through our noses. Our noses are around 1,000 times more sensitive than a human snout. It's the easiest way for us. An average dog’s sense of smell is around 10,000 - 100,000 times better than even the biggest-nosed human's. We've got up to 300 million olfactory receptors (big words. I don't really understand them.) in our noses compared to about six million in a human's and the bit of our brain (yes, I have got one somewhere...) that analyses and processes scents is around 40 times greater than a person's. And we like to sniff bottoms. Wee and secretions from scent glands are very pungent (even humans know this, often to their cost, hehe...). But they tell us everything we need to know.
For dogs, "spray it, don't say it" is best.
Scents on wee-mail stations tell us who is out and about, their status, health and sometimes even their intentions. Shifts in pack hierarchies, newcomers to the area, local gossip (my favourite) and warnings - all are left for others to find and add to. Posts about Nippie Bartram's whatnot seemed to be quite widespread but from the luckless Nippie himself there was no response. I doubted that he could be unaware of his fame, but guessed that he was either tired of or indifferent to (or a combination of both) the aromatic tattle. I had never met Nippie, or heard or smelt of him before now, in physical OR nasal terms, so couldn't say how he felt about the business.
This morning, Mistress and I decided to have an extra walk (we usually go in the afternoon; we did today as well as this morning). As we were walking up the hill towards GrannaPea's (we are allowed to visit her; we three are in a "bubble") a gentleman and his dog were walking down towards us. The dog was a mixture of many and varied breeds, quite small with mottled fur and a tail that was far too big and bushy for him. We went into the road to maintain the safe passing distance (this does not affect us dogs, so we may still safely sniff) and Mistress and the gentleman exchanged pleasantries. As they bid each other a good morning, my eye was caught by the dog's undercarriage. There dwelt the traditional items, save only that one of them was unusually round and somewhat bulbous. I meant to bark a greeting - but it came out:
"Nippie Bartram!" Oops. Well, it was rather remarkable...
"Yes?" he replied politely "Do I know you, my dear? I don't believe I have had the pleasure...?"
I hastened to redeem myself. "Oh no," I hastily yipped "someone told me about your lovely fur and handsome tail - I recognised you from that!" Nippie seemed pleased and gratified by this and went on his way wagging the massive tail.
But, although I didn't feel inclined to add to the wee-mail posts, I couldn't deny it.
Nippie Bartram has got a willie like a turnip.
Later in the afternoon, Mistress took me for a good long walk. I was minded towards a spot of digging, the effects of which Mistress found amusing, though I can't say I can see it myself.
Have you met Salvador Dalí...?
Stay safe, be nice to each other and keep smiling.
Lots of love from Gisèle x
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