Saturday, 24 April 2010

Saturday 24 April 2010

Do you know - I am actually finding the run-up to the general election quite entertaining.

But only because it gives me some people to bark at.  I ran out through the French Windows onto my patio about half an hour ago, believing that I was barking at my neighbour Starsky as he returned from his walk - but it turned out to be the local Liberal Democrat.  Ever the consummate politician, he didn't bark back, but asked me how I was enjoying the sunshine in my garden.  What a pro.  I once thought of standing for election myself - "The Black and White Party".  Everything in black and white clarity; that would be my motto.  My partner looked over my manifesto for me, and said that, perhaps, my march to Westminster and the corridors of power should be halted at the early steps.

She had nothing against my policies of bringing back free milk for schoolchildren and free meat for puppies.  Nothing against my plans to stop assisting in the bombing of the world's poorer countries.  And nothing even remotely against my professed intentions to punish all paedos, rapists and animal-abusers by hanging them with piano-wire.  Banning all mention of Katie "Jordan" Price and Kerry "Chip-shop" Katona from UK media, extinguishment of all companies who try to avoid paying tax or who stitch-up their employees (listening, Kraft?  Are you?  Eh?  EH?!?) and customary free contraception for all p*ssed-up chavs/Premiership footballers in nightclubs are all suggestions which sat well with my partner.

However, when she stumbled across my plans for the cats of this world, she was less assured.  She started to frown when she read my proposed scheme for annexing the next cul-de-sac down the road and commented that things were beginning to "get dark" at the mention of ghettos and complimentary "holiday camps" for all felines.  In fact, she became SO less-assured that she took away my manifesto and put it through her shredder.  I had to go to bed early after that - to "think about how I should be nice to all creatures, INCLUDING cats."  That took all of three seconds, but I still had to stay in bed without any supper-biscuit for writing mean things. 

That's absolutely the last time I dabble in politics, I can assure you.

Good day.
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