I have been afflicted with an unsettled belly since Wednesday, and passing gas of increasing toxicity, without control. Yesterday evening, my partner decided that enough was enough.
This is where a certain Phillippines-based vet, secretary, and their furry family (http://theanimaldoctor.blogspot.com/) hove unwittingly into view. I believed these good folk to be my friends; I may now have to reassess my views.
My partner recalled seeing a post on their otherwise excellent blog, which offered advice on how to "express a dog's anal sac" at home. Re-reading the instructions on this traitorous blog-post, my partner then proceeded to grasp and then squeeze the appointed portions of my fire-escape and the botty-glands offered up their sweet nectar to the waiting absorbent paper-tissue.
I concede that I can date the commencement of my recovery to that point. Although the recovery process is slow, I am already feeling much relieved, and less hesitant about evacuating my fragrant bowels. However - this should not be taken as my endorsement of such methods. Those who post instructions online for easily-led and gullible partners to read should examine their consciences.