Well, it's been a month now. I'm told that time is a great healer - but I'm still waiting.
I am so grateful for all the many kind cards and messages I received when Jasper passed away, they proved such a comfort to me. Some people also generously sent a donation to assist with the vets' fees and I was ever so touched by this.
A number of times over the past weeks I have sat here at my computer, a blank screen in front of me, trying to write something to go on the blog. But the words that once flew to my fingertips are all gone now.
I am endeavouring to keep myself active and involved in various ways. Generally, I am alright at work - though it does still pain me to see Ewan's endeavours to find Jasper. He thinks he is hiding somewhere and keeps looking for him. It's in the evenings that it is hardest. I hate coming back to an empty house and struggle to get to sleep at nights.
Alas, I have had to seek assistance from the doctor and came very close to being admitted to hospital last week. But I daresay I will be OK. I know that Jasper would want me to be happy and so I do try, though I often catch myself wondering if I could have done anything differently - something that might have saved him...
One of the things I'm doing to keep myself occupied is walking a dog three times a week for The Cinnamon Trust (http://www.cinnamon.org.uk/). I think this prospect was mentioned on the blog before now, though I was only "paired up" with a dog-owner a couple of weeks ago. Little Benjy is a Yorkshire Terrier, 12 years old but very feisty, belonging to a delightful elderly gentleman who is stricken with osteo-arthritis. Benjy doesn't need too much in the way of walking, but I do enjoy his company.
I hope - if you will indulge me - to continue posting here from time to time. About various things; about Jasper - life with him and life now without him.
I will admit to feeling a little narked this evening. Jasper had a regular column in a local parish magazine and was (though I say it myself) quite popular - "he'd" been a featured columnist since 2005 or 2006 - I've just read the January edition and there is not a single word about the fact that he has died. Not one. Quite apart from the aggravation of that, I was rather hoping that the editors might have put something in so that I don't keep getting "Oh hello ****, is Jasper not with you today?!" everywhere I go and then having to explain and go through it all again. But I daresay I am overestimating his popularity, or others' enjoyment of what he had to bark, at any rate.
Jasper did compose an "if you are reading this..." post, to be placed on the blog in the event of his death. I am afraid you will have to forgive me for being remiss in not putting it up yet. I will dig it out and post it soon.
Until then... keep smiling.
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6 comments:
This is a very sweet post.
So glad to hear from you again.
Understand your pain Roo and it will gradually diminish. Lovely that you are able to take another little friend out for a walk and great for his master to know that he has this. Look after yourself. Hope to hear from you again soon.
Ruth, Im glad to read a post from your blog again...even if its no longer Jasper posting...I do miss him, but it comforts me that I could always "go back" and read his previous posts and it would feel like he never really left us.
Thank you for keeping this blog. I am excited about the activities you have lined up to keep yourself busy. Take care of your self always. I pray that your heart will heal in time.
Your friend,
The Secretary
Well, I've read and re-read this post several times. I agree with the Secretary... it's nice to be able to go back and read "the old posts" and relive some of those (mostly) humourous memories.
I'm glad you're out there connecting with your new little friend. He obviously needs you almost as much as you need him. And you're providing a wonderful service in the bargain.
I understand your pain, and I know it doesn't heal nearly quickly enough... but you WILL make it.
Sending ALL of the positive energy and thoughts I can muster your way. Hugs & kisses to you and your Mum & Dad.
XXOO, Lance
Dear Ruth
You could not have done anything differently that would have helped. It's something that we all struggle with when we have to make that final decision, all you can do is trust that you did the right thing at that point in both your lives. I know it's difficult, but do what Jasper would have wanted and live a happy life - it's no betrayal of his memory.
Love from Jane, and woofs and licks from Lady Miss Till and the rest of the pack.
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