Sunday 22 June 2009

Blimey. What a tumultuous few weeks we have had.

Firstly, my partner's lump returned and she was very, very ill (now thankfully on the mend). In addition, we have been experiencing financial difficulties of apocalyptic proportions. It was the bank's fault. My partner missed ONE direct debit payment of £3.82 last month - for this, the bank charged her £58. £58!! The heartless b*st*rds. Were it not for the kindness of friends, we would have nothing at all to eat. My partner kindly made feeding me her priority and has been existing on just one meal per day. These have not been happy times. But still, we will not complain. We have our home and we have each other. That is sufficient for life.

I have seen the rat once since our misadventure. He spotted me in my garden and came sidling over. "Bit of a close shave, the other day, eh?" he grinned through his horrid yellow teeth, referring to our narrow escape from the rightly-enraged mother-cat. I wasted no time in telling him to clear off, gruffly informing him that I had no time in my busy schedule for liars, child-murderers or fools. "What?" he asked, in a poor imitation of innocence. I turned to him with gritted fangs.
"Thanks to you," I muttered, "I have been liberally p*ssed up every wall, streetlight and gatepost in the town. It's only thanks to that fellow next door" (Starsky) "that my name wasn't made public. I nearly died of dehydration trying to cover up all the weemails on the subject. AND you tried to stitch me up with the kittens' mother. Don't think I didn't hear you trying to shift all the blame on me. Now," marching right up close to him, "Be gone from my presence and never return. And if I catch you anywhere near those kittens again, I will PERSONALLY bite your kn*b off and make you watch me eat it. And then I will deliver up what is left of you to the kittens' mother, complete with a ribbon around your scrawny worthless neck."

There was a long silence.

"Well." sneered the rat. "You think you know a chap. I had high hopes of you, my friend. Together, with my stealthy brain and your strength and might, we could have lived like kings. You're nothing but a worthless coward."
"It's my pleasure to disappoint you." I barked, "Now b*gg*r off."

And - thankfully - I haven't seen him since.

My partner's gardening schemes continue apace. Yesterday, I helped her with some weeding. Alongside roses and other flowers, we are growing some potatoes and tomatoes. The spuds came from some shop-bought ones that sprouted and we planted on the off-chance. The tomatoes came all the way from Lincolnshire. More of them to follow.

For now,

Good night.