Monday 22 June 2009

Sunday 22 June 2009

Blimey. What a tumultuous few weeks we have had.

Firstly, my partner's lump returned and she was very, very ill (now thankfully on the mend). In addition, we have been experiencing financial difficulties of apocalyptic proportions. It was the bank's fault. My partner missed ONE direct debit payment of £3.82 last month - for this, the bank charged her £58. £58!! The heartless b*st*rds. Were it not for the kindness of friends, we would have nothing at all to eat. My partner kindly made feeding me her priority and has been existing on just one meal per day. These have not been happy times. But still, we will not complain. We have our home and we have each other. That is sufficient for life.

I have seen the rat once since our misadventure. He spotted me in my garden and came sidling over. "Bit of a close shave, the other day, eh?" he grinned through his horrid yellow teeth, referring to our narrow escape from the rightly-enraged mother-cat. I wasted no time in telling him to clear off, gruffly informing him that I had no time in my busy schedule for liars, child-murderers or fools. "What?" he asked, in a poor imitation of innocence. I turned to him with gritted fangs.
"Thanks to you," I muttered, "I have been liberally p*ssed up every wall, streetlight and gatepost in the town. It's only thanks to that fellow next door" (Starsky) "that my name wasn't made public. I nearly died of dehydration trying to cover up all the weemails on the subject. AND you tried to stitch me up with the kittens' mother. Don't think I didn't hear you trying to shift all the blame on me. Now," marching right up close to him, "Be gone from my presence and never return. And if I catch you anywhere near those kittens again, I will PERSONALLY bite your kn*b off and make you watch me eat it. And then I will deliver up what is left of you to the kittens' mother, complete with a ribbon around your scrawny worthless neck."

There was a long silence.

"Well." sneered the rat. "You think you know a chap. I had high hopes of you, my friend. Together, with my stealthy brain and your strength and might, we could have lived like kings. You're nothing but a worthless coward."
"It's my pleasure to disappoint you." I barked, "Now b*gg*r off."

And - thankfully - I haven't seen him since.

My partner's gardening schemes continue apace. Yesterday, I helped her with some weeding. Alongside roses and other flowers, we are growing some potatoes and tomatoes. The spuds came from some shop-bought ones that sprouted and we planted on the off-chance. The tomatoes came all the way from Lincolnshire. More of them to follow.

For now,

Good night.

5 comments:

Lance said...

My dear Sir Jasper, I'm so sorry things have not been going well of late. Your Ruth is truly a Saint to take such good care of both of you, regardless the circumstances life (or the bank) throws her way. Please be sure to give her some big slobbery hugs and kisses from me.

On another note, I'm glad to hear you've seemingly learned your lesson where the rat is concerned. I sure hope you'll listen to your REAL friends more easily in the future. We really DO have your best interests at heart.

I sincerely hope life gets better for the two of you. You truly deserve a break.

XXOO, Lance

Angie said...

I am so sorry Jasper for all that's happened to you. Not for speaking harshly about you-know what, I'm not sorry about that, but to think of the dire straits you 2 have found ourselves in. Ruth is truly a trouper, and you have your moments.

I think Ruth does right to grow a bit of veg. Eggs, cheese, veg and bread - if you've got them you can make all sorts (recipes free on application). Who needs expensive meat - apart from you of course but Ruth seems to have that covered.

I do hope your Lincs tomatoes do well. They'll be nice and tasty.

Good to hear, too, that Ruth's feeling better and her lumps have subsided. She must have been frightened. I would have been too,

love, Angie, xx

MBNAD woman said...

Glad to hear that you've got your priorities straight, Jasper. No more Dances with Rats.

Also sorry to hear that your partner is having such a crap time. Spottie Boy and I would be pleased to try to help out real world if it wasn't intruding.

Mad x

Angie said...

Hi Jasper, me again, just wondering how you and Ruth are doing and hoping things are starting to look up a bit.

love, Angie, xx

MBNAD woman said...
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